Title: The Story of the Film So Far
            From: The Album of the Soundtrack of the Trailer of the Film
                  of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"     
  Transcribed By: Malcolm Dickinson ( CLARINET@YALEVM.BITNET )

 
The Story of the Film So Far:
 
Doug and Bob are metropolitan policemen with a difference.  Doug likes
nothing more than slipping into little cocktail frocks, while Bob bouffants
his hair for a night on duty.  Still, as the art immace, no one gives their
last names.
 
 
The *Real* Story of the Film So Far:
 
Pucky Reginald Vas Deferens is a nuclear scientist in love with mafia boss
Enrico Marx, who is himself married to Conchito Macbeth, a lively belly-dancer
at the Belgian disco whose manager, Burly Ivan Crapp, has a naked daughter
Janice engaged to J.J. Spinman, New York private detective, employed by
elegant Laura Herron to trace the missing million-pound bidet that Hitler
gave to Eva Brown as a bar mitzvah present during a state visit to Crufts, and
which remained hidden until a World Cup referee, Horse Jenkenson, was found
hanged in a New Jersey tenement with the plans of a Russian secret weapon
partially tatooed on his elbow.
 
In Brisbon, the Brain brothers, Nicky and Vance, torture a Mayfair
psychologist, who reveals to Dora Brain in a tender and emotional death scene
that his hair is not his own.
 
Meanwhile, the Kent Touring Eleven have trapped husky Matilda Tritt on a
sticky near Hastings, and she reveals all before enforcing the follow army.
 
Peter Niesewand and Cyril Garfunkel arrive just in time with the Welsh Police,
and the Harry Orchestra, and proceed to sing a love song which allows Dr.
Indira McNorton *just* enough time to cross the alps into Geneva, where he
meets Kon Rapp, a kung fu fanatic and cat lover, who frivilously shoots him,
but not before introducing him to lively intelligent Norweigan widow Lanny
Krimt, who shows him her inner thighs, where he finds the address of a good
French restaurant, and unexpectedly meets Gabriello Machismo, an ex-Korean
plastic surgeon whose frankly blond assistant Sally Lesbitt is now the
half-brother of a distant cousin of Ray Vorn Ding-ding-a-dong, the Eurovision
song, and *owner* of the million-pound bidet given by Hitler to Eva Brown as a
bar mitzvah present during a state visit to Crufts, and which remained hidden,
etc. etc. etc.
 
This they now do.
 
Meanwhile, Harold and Victor Medway III discover a newfound love for each
other in an flashback near Devon, where they meet up with Doug and Bob, the
metropolitan policemen who suprisingly turn out to be in this film at all, who
kill everyone, and live happily ever after.