Title: Interview with Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson
            From: Monty Python's Flying Circus
  Transcribed By: Jonathan Partington ( JRP1@PHX.CAM.AC.UK )

 
Host (Eric Idle): Last week the Royal Festival Hall saw the first performance
		  of a new symphony by one of the world's leading modern
		  composers, Arthur 'Two sheds' Jackson.  Mr Jackson.
Jackson (Terry Jones): Hello.
Host:	 May I just sidetrack for one moment.  This -- what shall I call it --
	 nickname of yours...
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host:	 "Two sheds".  How did you come by it?
Jackson: Well, I don't use it myself, but some of my friends call me "Two
	 Sheds".
Host:	 And do you in fact have two sheds?
Jackson: No, I've only got one.  I've had one for some time, but a few years
	 ago I said I was thinking of getting another, and since then some
	 people have called me "Two Sheds".
Host:	 In spite of the fact that you only have one.
Jackson: Yes.
Host:	 And are you still intending to purchase this second shed?
Jackson (impatient): No!
Host:	 ...To bring you in line with your epithet?
Jackson: No.
Host:	 I see, I see. Well to return to your symphony.
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host:	 Did you write this symphony in the shed?
Jackson (surprised): No!
Host:	 Have you written any of your recent works in this shed of yours?
Jackson: No, no, not at all. It's just an ordinary garden shed.
Host:	 I see, I see.	And you're thinking of buying this second shed to write
	 in!
Jackson: No, no.  Look.  This shed business -- it doesn't really matter.  The
	 sheds aren't important.  A few friends call me Two Sheds and that's
	 all there is to it.  I wish you'd ask me about the music.  Everybody
	 talks about the sheds.  They've got it out of proportion -- I'm a
	 composer.  I'm going to get rid of the shed.  I'm fed up with it!
Host:	Then you'll be Arthur 'No Sheds' Jackson, eh?
Jackson: Look, forget about the sheds. They don't matter.
Host (sternly): Mr. Jackson, I think, with respect, we ought to return to the
		subject of your symphony.
Jackson:What?
Host:	Apprently your symphony was written for tympani and organ....
(Picture of a shed appears on the screen behind them)
Jackson (turning around): What's that!?!?!???
Host (innocently): What's what?
Jackson: Its a shed!!...get it off!! get it off!!
(Interviewer motions to picture, and it is replaced by a picture of Jackson him
self)
Jackson: (Grudgingly) All right...Thats better..
Host:	 I understand that you used to be interested in train-spotting.
Jackson: What?
Host:	 I understand that, about thirty years ago, you were interested in
	 train-spotting.
Jackson: Well what's that got to do with my bloody music?
John Cleese (entering): Are you having any trouble with him?
Host:	 Yes, a little.  Good Lord!  You're the man who interviewed Sir Edward
	 Ross earlier.
Cleese:  Exactly.  Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of
	 you, "Two Sheds".
Host:	 Yes, make yourself scarce, "Two Sheds".  This studio isn't big enough
	 for the three of us!  [They throw him out.]
Jackson: Here, what are you doing?  Stop it! [Crash.]
Cleese:  Get your own Arts programme, you fairy!
Host:	 Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson... Never mind, Timmy.
Cleese:  Oh Mike, you're such a comfort.