Title: The Knights Who Say "Ni"
            From: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  Transcribed By: unknown


Voice over:  Meanwhile, King Arthur and Bedevere, not more than a swallow's
             flight away, had discovered something. 
 
Knights of Ni: Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni! 
Arthur: Who are you? 
Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say.....   "Ni"! 
Arthur: (horrified) No!  Not the Knights who say "Ni"! 
Knight of Ni: The same. 
Other Knight of Ni: Who are we? 
Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm! 
Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm! 
Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! 
Knight of Ni: The knights who say "Ni" demand..... a sacrifice! 
Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who 
        lives beyond these woods. 
Knights of Ni: Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni!  Ni! 
Bedevere: No! Noooo!  Aaaugh!  No! 
Knight of Ni: We shall say "Ni" to you... if you do not appease us. 
Arthur: Well what is it you want? 
Knight of Ni: We want..... 
 
(pregnant pause) 
 
                             A SHRUBBERY!!!! 
(dramatic minor chord) 
Arthur: A *WHAT*? 
Knights of Ni: Ni!  Ni!!  Ni!  Ni! 
Arthur; No!  No!  Please, please, no more!  We will find you a shrubbery. 
Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will never 
              pass through this wood...   alive. 
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a 
        shrubbery. 
Knight of Ni: One that looks nice. 
Arthur: Of course! 
Knight of Ni: And not *too* expensive. 
Arthur; Yes! 
Knight of Ni: Noowwwww.... GO! 
 
(music) 
 
Arthur: O Knights of Ni.  We have brought you your shrubbery.  May we go now? 
Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery.  I like the laurels particularly. 
              But there is one small problem.... 
Arthur: What is that? 
Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say "Ni"! 
Other Knights of Ni: Ni!  Shh! Shh! 
Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, 
              zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm". 
Other Knight of Ni: Ni! 
Knight of Ni:  Therefore, we must give you a test. 
Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of..... 
        Knights who 'til recently said "Ni"? 
Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find.... 
 
                      ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!! 
(another minor chord) 
Arthur: Oh not *another* shrubbery!! 
Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, 
              you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly 
              higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path 
              running down the middle. 
Other Knights of Ni:  A path!  A path!  A path!   Shh, shhh.  Ni!  Ni! 
Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the 
              mightiest tree in the forest... 
              Wiiiiiithh....  A HERRING!