<<<<<<<<<< MONTY PYTHON SINGS >>>>>>>>>>
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ACCOUNTANCY SHANTY
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It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountan-cy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy.
It can be manly in insurance:
We'll up your premium semi-annually,
It's all tax-deductible,
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountan-cy!
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Composers: Eric Idle / John Du Prez
Authors: Eric Idle / John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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ALL THINGS DULL & UGLY
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All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom,
He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid,
Who made the spikey urchin,
Who made the sharks, He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.
AMEN.
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Composer: Trad.
Author: Eric Idle
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
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Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best ...
And ...
(music slides into the song)
... Always look on the bright side of life ...
(whistle)
... Always look on the bright side of life ...
(whistle)
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle _ that's the thing.
And ...
... Always look on the bright side of life ...
(whistle)
Come on.
(others start to join in)
... Always look on the bright side of life ...
(whistle)
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin _
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it _ it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And always look on the bright side of life ...
(whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life ...
(whistle)
Come on guys, cheer up.
Always look on the bright side of life ...
Always look on the bright side of life ...
Worse things happen at sea, you know.
Always look on the bright side of life ...
I mean _ what have you got to loose?
You know, you come from nothing _
You're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!
Always look on the bright side of life ...
(fade)
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Eric Idle
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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BRIAN SONG
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Brian ... the babe they called Brian
Grew ... grew, grew and grew,
Grew up to be,
Grew up to be,
A boy called Brian
A boy called Brian.
He had arms and legs and hands and feet
This boy whose name was Brian
And he grew, grew, grew and grew
Grew up to be
Yes he grew up to be
A teenager called Brian
A teenager called Brian.
And his face became spotty
Yes his face became spotty
And his voice dropped down low
And things started to grow
On young Brian and so
He was certainly no
No girl named Brian
Not a girl named Brian.
And he started to shave
And have one off the wrist
And want to see girls
And go out and get pissed
A man called Brian
This man called Brian
The man they called Brian
This man called Brian.
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Composer: Andre Jacquemin / Dave Howman
Author: Michael Palin
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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BRUCE'S PHILOSOPHERS SONG
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Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table,
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schegel.
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed.
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Eric Idle
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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volume 2 of 5 volumes
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I LIKE CHINESE
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Spoken The world today seems absolutely crackers,
Intro: With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high,
There are fools and idiots sitting on the trigger,
It's depressing and it's senseless and that's why ...
Intro: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly,
And they're ready to please.
Verse: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
There's nine hundred million of them in the
world today,
You'd better learn to like them,
That's what I say.
Chorus: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly,
And they're ready to please.
Verse: I like Chinese food,
The waiters never are rude,
Think of the many things they've done to impress,
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching and Chess.
Chorus: So I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong,
Their yin and yang-ese.
Verse: I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucious taught,
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.
Chorus: So I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty,
And they're ready to please.
Verse: (In Chinese)
Chorus: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
Their food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and lychees.
Chorus: So I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong,
Their yin and yang-ese.
Fade: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese ...
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Eric Idle
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
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Spoken Intro: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. IT'S TRULY A
REAL HONOURABLE EXPERIENCE
TO BE HERE THIS EVENING. A
VERY WONDERFUL AND WARM AND
EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR ALL
OF US. AND I'D LIKE TO SING
A SONG FOR ALL OF YOU.
It's Christmas in Heaven,
All the children sing,
It's Christmas in Heaven,
Hark hark those church bells ring.
It's Christmas in Heaven,
The snow falls from the sky ...
But it's nice and warm and everyone
Looks smart and wears a tie.
It's Christmas in Heaven,
There's great films on TV ...
"The Sound of Music" twice an hour
And "Jaws" I, II and III.
There's gifts for all the family,
There's toiletries and trains ...
There's Sony Walkman Headphone sets
And the latest video games.
It's Christmas, it's Christmas in Heaven,
Hip hip hip hip hip hooray,
Every single day,
Is Christmas day.
It's Christmas, it's Christmas in Heaven,
Hip hip hip hip hip hooray,
Every single day,
It's Christmas day.
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Terry Jones
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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DECOMPOSING COMPOSERS
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Intro: Right ho, darling. Yeh, be home about
8:30. No, no I'll go on a bike.
Verse: Beethoven's gone, but his music lives on,
And Mozart don't go shoppin' no more,
You'll never meet Liszt or Brahms again,
And Elgar doesn't answer the door.
Schubert and Chopin used to chuckle and laugh,
Whilst composing a long symphony,
But one hundred and fifty years later,
There's very little of them left to see.
Chorus: They're decomposing composers,
There's nothing much anyone can do,
You can still hear Beethoven,
But Beethoven cannot hear you.
Verse: Handel and Haydn and Rachmaninov,
Enjoyed a nice drink with their meal,
But nowadays no-one will serve them,
And their gravy is left to congeal.
Verdi and Wagner delighted the crowds,
With their highly original sound,
The pianos they played are still working,
But they're both six feet underground.
Chorus: They're decomposing composers,
There's less of them every year,
You can say what you like to Debussy,
But there's not much of him left to hear.
Finish: Claude Achille Debussy, died 1918.
Christophe Willebald Gluck, died 1787.
Carl Maria von Weber, not at all well 1825,
died 1826.
Giacomo Meyerbeer, still alive 1863,
not still alive 1864.
Modeste Mussorgsky, 1880 going to parties,
no fun any more 1881.
Johan Nepomuk Hummel, chatting away nineteen
to the dozen with his mates down the pub
every evening 1836,
1837 nothing.
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Composer: Michael Palin
Author: Michael Palin
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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OLIVER CROMWELL
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Spoken: THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT
KING CHARLES I IS THAT HE WAS 5'6"
TALL AT THE START OF HIS REIGN, BUT
ONLY 4'8" TALL AT THE END OF IT ...
BECAUSE OF ...
Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector of England
PURITAN
Born in 1599 and died in 1658
SEPTEMBER
Was at first
ONLY
MP for Huntingdon
BUT THEN
He led the Ironside Cavalry at Marston Moor
in 1644 and won
Then he founded the new model army
And praise be, beat the Cavaliers at Naisby
And the King fled up North, like a bat to the
Scots.
Spoken: BUT UNDER THE TERMS OF JOHN PIMM'S
SOLEMN LEAGUE AND COVENANT, THE
SCOTS HANDED KING CHARLES I OVER
TO ...
Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector of England
AND HIS WARTS
Born in 1599 and died in 1658
SEPTEMBER
But alas
OY VAY!
Disagreement then broke out
BETWEEN
The Presbyterian Parliament
And the Military who meant
To have an independent bent.
And so ...
The 2nd Civil War broke out
And the Roundhead ranks
Faced the Cavaliers at Preston banks
And the King lost again, silly thing
STUPID GIT
Spoken: AND CROMWELL SENT COLONEL PRIDE
TO PURGE THE HOUSE OF COMMONS OF
THE PRESBYTERIAN ROYALISTS,
LEAVING BEHIND ONLY THE RUMP
PARLIAMENT ...
Which appointed a High Court at Westminster Hall
To indict Charles I for ... tyranny
OOOHHH!
Charles was sentenced to death
Even though he refused to accept
That the court had ... jurisdiction
SAY GOODBYE TO HIS HEAD.
Poor King Charles laid his head on the block
JANUARY 1649
Down came the axe, and ...
Spoken: IN THE SILENCE THAT FOLLOWED, THE
ONLY SOUND THAT COULD BE HEARD
WAS A SOLITARY GIGGLE, FROM ...
Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector of England
OLE
Born in 1599 and died in 1658
SEPTEMBER
Then he smashed
IRELAND
Set up the Commonwealth
AND MORE
He crushed the Scots at Worcester
And beat the Dutch at sea
In 1653 and then
He dissolved the rump Parliament
And with Lambert's consent
Wrote the instrument of Government
Under which Oliver was Protector at last
The end.
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Music: Polonaise No. 6 in Ab
Composer: Frederic Chopin
Author: John Cleese
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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ERIC THE HALF A BEE
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Intro: Take it away Eric the Orchestra Leader ...
Orch
Leader: A-one, two, a-one two three four
(Piano - introductory flourish)
Lead
Singer: (Speaks to piano accompaniment)
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must ipso facto half not be.
But half a bee, has got to be,
Vis a vis its entity.
- D'you see?
But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee,
When half the bee is not a bee,
Due to some ancient injury.
- Singing! ...
All sing: La di di, one two three,
Eric the Half a Bee.
A B C D E F G
Eric the Half a Bee.
Lead
Singer: Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
All shout:No! It's Eric the Half a Bee.
All sing: Fiddle di dum, fiddle di dee,
Eric the Half a Bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the Half a Bee.
Lead
Singer: I love this hive employ-ee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One Summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.
All sing: He loves him carnally ...
Lead
Singer: Semi-carnally.
(Speaks)
The End.
Voice: Cyril Connolly?
Lead
Singer: No, semi-carnally.
Voice: Oh.
All sing: (Quietly)
Cyril Connolly.
(Ends with elaborate whistle)
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Eric Idle / John Cleese
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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volume 3 of 5 volumes
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FINLAND
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Chorus: Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I want to be,
Pony trekking or camping,
Or just watching TV,
Finland, Finland, Finland,
It's the country for me.
Verse: You're so near to Russia,
So far from Japan,
Quite a long way from Cairo,
Lots of miles from Vietnam.
Chorus: Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I want to be,
Eating breakfast or dinner,
Or snack lunch in the hall,
Finland, Finland, Finland,
Finland has it all.
Verse: You're so sadly neglected,
And often ignored,
A poor second to Belgium,
When going abroad.
Chorus: Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,
Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland,
Finland has it all.
Repeat: Finland, Finland, Finland,
The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,
Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland,
Finland has it all.
Fade... Finland has it all ...
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Composer: Michael Palin
Author: Michael Palin
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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GALAXY SONG
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Intro: WHENEVER LIFE GETS YOU DOWN,
MRS. BROWN, AND THINGS SEEM
HARD OR TOUGH, AND PEOPLE ARE
STUPID, OBNOXIOUS OR DAFT AND
YOU FEEL THAT YOU'VE HAD QUITE
ENOUGH ...
Just remember that you're standing
On a planet that's evolving,
And revolving at 900 miles an hour,
That's orbiting at 19 miles a second,
So it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me
And all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm,
At 40 000 miles and hour,
Of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.
Our Galaxy itself
Contains 100 billion stars
It's 100 000 light years side by side,
It bulges in the middle,
16 000 light years thick
But out by us it's just 3 000 light years wide.
We're 30 000 light years
From galactic central point,
We go round every 200 million years
And our galaxy is only
One of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding Universe.
As fast as it can go,
At the speed of light you know,
12 million miles a minute,
And that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember when you're feeling
Very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent
Life somewhere up in space
Because there's bugger all down here on Earth.
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Composer: Eric Idle / John Du Prez
Author: Eric Idle
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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HENRY KISSINGER
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Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
You're the doctor of my dreams
With your crinkly hair
And your glassy stare
And your machiavellian schemes
I know they say that you are very vain
And short and fat and pushy
But at least you're not insane
Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
And wishing you were here
Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
You're so chubby and so neat
With your funny clothes
And your squishy nose
You're like a German par-o-quet
All right so people say that you don't care
But you've got nicer legs than Hitler
And bigger tits than Cher
Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
And wishing you were here.
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Eric Idle
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE
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We're Knights of the Round Table,
We dance when ere we're able,
We do routines and chorus scenes
with footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
we eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
We're Knights of the Round Table,
Our shows are formidable,
But many times we're given rhymes
that are quite unsingable.
We're Opera mad in Camelot,
We sing from the diaphram al...o...o...o...t.
In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable,
Between our quests, we sequin vests,
and impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot,
I have to push the pram a lot.
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Composer: Neil Innes
Author: Graham Chapman / John Cleese
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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LUMBERJACK SONG
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I'm a lumberjack
And I'm O.K.
I sleep all night
And I work all day.
Chorus: He's a lumberjack
And he's O.K.
He sleeps all night
And he works all day.
I cut down trees
I eat my lunch
I go to the Lavotory
On Wednesday's I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea.
Mounties: He cuts down trees
He eats his lunch
He goes to the Lavotory
On Wednesday's he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.
Chorus: He's a lumberjack
And he's O.K.
He sleeps all night
And he works all day.
I cut down trees
I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.
Mounties: He cuts down trees
He skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars
Chorus: He's a lumberjack
And he's O.K.
He sleeps all night
And he works all day.
I cut down trees
I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear pappa.
Mounties: He cuts down trees
He wears high heels
Suspendies ... and a bra?
... He's a lumberjack
And he's O K A Y
He sleeps all night
And he works all day.
... He's a lumberjack
And he's O K A Y
He sleeps all night
And he works all day.
He sleeps all night
And he works all day.
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Composer: Terry Jones / Michael Palin
Author: Terry Jones / Michael Palin
Arranger: Fred Tomlinson
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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volume 4 of 5 volumes
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THE MEANING OF LIFE
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Why are we here, what's life all about?
Is God really real, or is there some doubt?
Well tonight we're going to sort it all out,
For tonight it's the Meaning of Life.
What's the point of all this hoax?
Is it the chicken and the egg time, are we just yolks?
Or perhaps we're just one of God's little jokes,
Well ca c'est the Meaning of Life.
Is life just a game where we maek up the rules,
While we're searching for something to say,
Or are we just simply spiralling coils,
Of self-replicating DNA?
In this life, What is our fate?
Is there Heaven and Hell? Do we reincarnate?
Is mankind evolving or is it too late?
Well tonight here's the Meaning of Life.
For millions this life is a sad vale of tears,
Sitting round with nothing to say,
While scientists say we're just simply spiralling coils,
Of self-replicating DNA.
So just why, why are we there?
And just what, what, what, what do we fear?
Well ce soir, for a change, it will all be made clear,
For this is the Meaning of Life
- c'est le sens de la vie,
This is the Meaning of Life.
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Composer: Eric Idle / John Du Prez
Author: Eric Idle
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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========================================
MEDICAL LOVE SONG
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Inflammation of the foreskin
reminds me of your smile,
I've had ballanital chancroids
for quite a little while,
I gave my heart to NSU
that lovely night in June,
I ache for you my darling,
and I hope you get well soon.
My penile warts, your herpes,
my syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection,
how I miss you more and more.
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox,
our lovely gonorrhea,
At least we both were lying,
when we said that we were clear.
Our syphilitic kisses
sealed the secret of our tryst,
You gave me scrotal pustules
with a quick flick of your wrist.
Your trichovaginitis
sent shivers down my spine,
I got snail tracks in my anus
when your spirochetes met mine.
Gonoccocal urethritis,
sreptococcal ballinitis,
Meningo myelitis,
diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis,
interstital keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis,
and anterior u-ve-i-tis.
My clapped out genitalia
is not so bad for me,
As the complete and utter failure
every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes
are the worst he's ever seen.
My scrotum's painted orange
and my balls are turning green.
My heart is very tender
though my parts are awful raw,
You might have been infected
but you never were a bore.
I'm dying for your love my love
I'm your spirochaetal clown,
I've left my body to science
but I'm afraid they've turned it down.
Gonoccocal urethritis,
sreptococcal ballinitis,
Meningo myelitis,
diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis,
interstital keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis,
and anterior u-ve-i-tis.
========================================
Composer: Eric Idle / John Du Prez
Author: Graham Chapman / Eric Idle
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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MONEY SONG
========================================
I've got ninety thousand pounds
in my pyjamas,
I've got forty thousand French francs
in my fridge.
I've got lots of lovely lire,
Now the Deutschmark's getting dearer,
And my dollar bills would buy
the Brooklyn Bridge.
Chorus: There is nothing quite as wonderful as money,
There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash,
Some people say it's folly,
But I'd rather have the lolly,
With money you can ma-ake a splash.
Finale: There is nothing quite as wonderful as money
(chorus sings money money money)
There is nothing like a newly minted pound
(money money money)
All: Everyone must hanker
for the butchness of a banker
It's accountancy that makes
the world go round
(round round round)
You can keep your Marxist ways
For it's only just a phase
For it's money makes the world
go round
(money money money money
money money money money
money)
========================================
Composer: John Gould
Author: Eric Idle / John Gould
Arranger: Fred Tomlinson
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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PENIS SONG
========================================
(NOT THE NOEL COWARD SONG)
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis,
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the world's biggest prick.
So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy or your cock,
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.
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Composer: Eric Idle
Author: Eric Idle
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
========================================
========================================
NEVER BE RUDE TO AN ARAB
========================================
Never be rude to an Arab,
An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew,
Never be rude to an Irishman,
No matter what you do.
Never poke fun at a Nigger,
A Spik, or a Wop, or a Kraut,
And never put down ...
(Explosion!)
========================================
Composer: Terry Jones
Author: Terry Jones
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
========================================
volume 5 of 5 volumes
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SIT ON MY FACE
========================================
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too
I love to hear you o-ra-lise
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away.
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly
Life can be fine if we both sixty nine
If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places
And play till we're blown away.
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Composer: Harry Parr Davies
Author: Eric Idle
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
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SPAM SONG
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Lovely spam, Wonderful Spa-a-m,
Lovely Spam, Wonderful S Spam,
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am,
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am,
SP-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM,
SP-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM,
LOVELY SPAM,
LOVELY SPAM,
LOVELY SPAM,
LOVELY SPAM,
LOVELY SPA-A-A-A-AM ...
SPA-AM,
SPA-AM,
SPA-AM,
SPA-A-A-AM!
========================================
Composers:Michael Palin / Terry Jones /
Fred Tomlinson
Author: Michael Palin / Terry Jones
Arranger: Fred Tomlinson
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
========================================
========================================
EVERY SPERM IS SACRED
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Dad: There are Jews in the world,
There are Buddhists,
There are Hindus and Mormons
and then,
There are those that follow
Mohammed,
But I've never been one of them ...
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before
I was born,
And the one thing they say
about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as
you're warm ...
You don't have to be a six-footer,
You don't have to have a
great brain,
You don't have to have any
clothes on _
You're a Catholic the moment
Dad came ...
Because ...
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Children: Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Child: Let the heathen spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for,
Each sperm that can't be found.
Children: Every sperm is wanted,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.
Mum: Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs anywhere,
But God loves those who treat
Their semen with more care.
Men Neighbours:Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
Women Neighbours: If a sperm is wasted,
Children: God gets quite irate.
Priest: Every sperm is sacred,
Bride & Groom: Every sperm is good,
Nannies: Every sperm is needed,
Cardinals: In your neighbourhood.
Children: Every sperm is useful,
Every sperm is fine,
Funeral Cortege:God needs everybody's,
First Mourner: Mine!
Lady Mourner: And mine!
Corpse: And mine!
Nun: Let the Pagan spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill and plain,
Statues: God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
Everybody:Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
========================================
Composer: David Howman / Andre Jacquemin
Authors: Michael Palin / Terry Jones
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
========================================
========================================
TWO LEGS
========================================
Intro: AND NOW MR. TERRY GILLIAM WILL SING
FOR YOU "I'VE GOT TWO LEGS"
I've got two legs from my hips to the ground
And when I move them they walk around
And when I lift them they climb the stairs
And when I shave them they ain't got hairs
I've got two ...
========================================
Composer: Terry Gilliam
Author: Terry Gilliam
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
========================================
========================================
I'M SO WORRIED
========================================
I'm so worried about what's happening today,
In the Middle east you know,
And I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval
system they've got at Heathrow.
I'm so worried about the fashions today,
I don't think they're good for your feet,
And I'm so worried about the shows on TV
that sometimes they want to repeat.
I'm so worried about what's happening today
you know,
And I'm worried about the baggage retrieval
system they've got at Heathrow.
I'm so worried about my hair falling out,
And the state of the world today,
And I'm so worried about being so full of doubt
about everything anyway.
I'm so worried about modern technology,
I'm so worried about all things that they dump in
the sea,
I'm so worried about it, worried about it,
worried, worried, worried ...
I'm so worried about everything that can go wrong,
I'm so worried about whether people like this song,
I'm so worried about this very next verse,
it isn't the best that I've got.
And I'm so worried about whether I should go on
or whether I shouldn't just stop.
I'm so worried about whether I ought to have stopped,
And I'm so worried because it's the sort of thing
I ought to know
And I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval
system they've got at Heathrow.
I'm so worried about whether I should have
stopped then,
I'm so worried that I'm driving everyone
round the bend,
I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval
system they've got at Heathrow.
I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval
system they've got at Heathrow.
========================================
Composer: Terry Jones
Author: Terry Jones
Arranger: John Du Prez
Virgin Records 1989
MONT D1
========================================
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