Title: Bring Out Your Dead 
            From: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  Transcribed By: Malcolm Dickinson ( CLARINET@YALEVM.BITNET )


   A cart passes through the muddy road through a village.
   A baby cries.  People wrestle in the mud.  A woman beats a cat.
 
The cart-master chants wearily as they trudge along:
 
Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead!	    etc.  while beating occasionally on a large
			    triangle with a wooden spoon.
 
As each person comes forward with his or her dead relative, they throw them on
the cart.  He holds out his hand and they pay.
 
Bring out your dead!
 
A man comes out with a dead-looking old man in a nightshirst slung over his
shoulder.  He starts to put the old man on the cart.
 
Man:	     Here's one-
Cart-master: Ninepence.
Old Man:     (feebly) I'm not dead!
Cart-master: (suprised) What?
Man:	     Nothing!  Here's your ninepence....
Old Man:     I'm not dead!
Cart-master: 'Ere!  'E says 'e's not dead!
Man:	     Yes he is.
Old Man:     I'm not!
Cart-master: 'E isn't?
Man:	     Well... he will be soon-- he's very ill...
Old Man:     I'm getting better!
Man:	     No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
Cart-master: I can't take 'im like that!  It's against regulations!
Old Man:     I don't want to go on the cart....
Man:	     Oh, don't be such a baby.
Cart-master: I can't take 'im....
Old Man:     I feel fine!
Man:	     Well, do us a favor...
Cart-master: I can't!
Man:	     Can you hang around a couple of minutes?  He won't be long...
Cart-master: No, gotta get to Robinson's, they lost nine today.
Man:	     Well, when's your next round?
Cart-master: Thursday.
Old Man:     I think I'll go for a walk....
Man:	     You're not fooling anyone, you know--
	     (to Cart-master) Look, isn't there something you can do...?
 
(they both look around)
 
Old Man:     I feel happy!  I feel happy!
 
(the Cart-master deals the old man a swift blow to the head with his wooden
spoon.	The old man goes limp.)
 
Man:	     (throwing the old man onto the cart) Ah.  thanks very much.
Cart-master: Not at all.  See you on Thursday!
Man: Right!  All right....
 
King Arthur and his trusty servant, Patsy, "ride" through the town and past
the men.
 
Man:	    'Oo's that then?
Cart-master: I don't know.  Must be a king.
Man:	     Why
Cart-master: 'E 'asn't got shit all over 'im.