Title: The Banter Sketch                                   
            From: Monty Python's Flying Circus
  Transcribed By: Jonathan Partington ( JRP1@PHX.CAM.AC.UK )


(Scene: a wartime RAF station)
 
Jones: Morning, Squadron Leader.
Idle:  What-ho, Squiffy.
Jones: How was it?
Idle:  Top-hole.  Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father;
       hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy,
       flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.
Jones: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader.
Idle:  It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy.  Bally Jerry, pranged his kite
       right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered
       back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and
       caught his can in the Bertie.
Jones: No, I'm just not understanding banter at all well today.  Give us it
       slower.
Idle:  Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy.
Jones: Hold on then -- Wingco!	-- just bend an ear to the Squadron Leader's
       banter for a sec, would you?
Chapman: Can do.
Jones:	 Jolly good. Fire away.
Idle:	 Bally Jerry... (he goes through it all again)
Chapman: No, I don't understand that banter at all.
Idle:	 Something up with my banter, chaps?
 
GRAMS: AIR RAID SIRENS
(Enter Palin, out of breath)
 
Palin:	Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir!  Grab your egg-and-fours and
	let's get the bacon delivered!
Chapman (to Idle): Do *you* understand that?
Idle:	 No -- I didn't get a word of it.
Chapman: Sorry, old man, we don't understand your banter.
Palin:	 You know -- bally tenpenny ones dropping in the custard!
(no reaction)
Palin:	 Um -- Charlie choppers chucking a handful!
Chapman: No no -- sorry.
Jones:	 Say it slower, old chap.
Palin:	 Slower *banter*, sir?
Chapman: Ra-ther.
Palin:	 Um -- sausage squad up the blue end?
Idle:	 No, still don't get it.
Palin:	 Um -- cabbage crates coming over the briny?
The others: No, no.
 
(Film of air-raid)
 
Idle (voice-over):  But by then it was too late.  The first cabbage crates hit
London on July the 7th.  That was just the beginning.
 
(Chapman seen sitting at desk, on telephone)
 
Chapman: Five shillings a dozen?  That's ordinary cabbages, is it?  And what
	 about the bombs?...  Good Lord, they _are_ expensive.